Dear Matzav Inbox,
I was recently in shul and witnessed a scene that brought back painful memories for me. A father smacked the back of his child’s head because the child was looking outside his Siddur. I can’t describe how much this bothered me, as it immediately brought back flashbacks from my own childhood.
Growing up, my father was very harsh. Instead of teaching me to appreciate davening, he would give me an angry stare if I even whispered to a friend during Leining or Chazoras Hashatz. If I ever davened for the Amud, it was never right—too fast, too slow, too loud, too soft—nothing was ever good enough. He was a perfectionist who saw only black and white, and I grew up in fear of him, never knowing what it felt like to be loved.
We daven every day, “Avinu Malkeinu,” but I can’t truly relate to that phrase. How can we love Hashem if we don’t know what it means to be loved by a father? My father never told me he loved me, and I don’t think I ever really felt it.
The truth is, we only have one shot at being a parent. We cannot afford to mess it up. If your child is not davening properly, instead of getting frustrated or angry, sit down with them. Teach them the halachos in a way they can understand, and show them what davening is all about. They’re not here to give us nachas—they’re here to grow, and it’s our job to help them do that in the best way possible. Let’s raise our children in a home filled with love, not fear.
Tell your children you love them. Show them you care. If you do that, they’ll be able to grow up understanding what it means to love Hashem too.
Sincerely,
Scarred for Life
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