Dear Frum World, I am writing to you filled with the feelings of rejection and ostracization that only a survivor (of childhood abuse) trying to live in the frum community experiences. People tell me I cannot speak about my experiences because it’s “not tznius;” “people can’t handle it;” “it’s inappropriate;” “that doesn’t happen in our community;” “it’s a lie;” “it’s uncomfortable;” “everyone goes through struggles and pain- you don’t need to shout yours from the rooftops,” etc., etc.  Please. I get it. If you think it’s uncomfortable to hear it, imagine what it’s like to have to live it. But, if you can’t handle hearing about it, how can I be expected to handle living it? You say that you do see me and those like me as a ben/bas melech; but how can that be true when you don’t take the time to know me and see me for what my experiences have made me? Don’t you see how the more reasons you find to ignore (at best) and run away (at worst) from my story, the more rejected and abandoned I feel?  And all this is over things that were done to me, in circumstances I was born into. And I have fought tooth and nail to be the better person despite it all. When you cringe or shirk away from my history because of your discomfort, or whatever justification you give yourself, you tell me that part of me is unacceptable. Besides for the pain and rejection this causes me, don’t you see how that perpetuates abuse? The more discomfort that you create around these issues, the more comfort you create for the abusers, because they know they can get away with their actions with impunity. I hope I have made it clear why survivors in the frum world experience the feelings of rejection and ostracization I mentioned earlier. Perhaps worst of all, these feelings are mostly a result of everyone curling in upon themselves in discomfort in an attempt to protect themselves from a life like mine. But because of the few who say damaging things, the masses appear to be in agreement with the few who speak their minds. Please try to hear me and see me – the full package of ME – when next you encounter me. I keep searching for somewhere I can belong, but so far the frum world has not accepted me.  Sincerely, A Struggling Ben Melech The views expressed in this letter do not necessarily represent those of YWN. Have an opinion you would like to share? Send it to us for review.