In light of the recent article posted about suicides in the frum community, I want to address HOW you can actually help. You might be surprised to learn that helping someone who is actively suicidal is not as hard as you think. Better yet, learn the signs to help them before they reach that point. What makes me qualified to speak about this? Besides for my own lived experience as someone who struggles with suicidal ideation and has attempted suicide, I also volunteer as a crisis counselor for the crisis text line, am ASIST certified, and am the founder and director of an organization called A Drop of Light (preventfrumsuicide.org) aimed at bringing awareness around and lowering suicides in the frum community. Let’s start with warning signs. Any drastic change in behavior is a warning that something is up. Did you notice that your friend who used to be the life of the party is now silent and staying home? Is your son no longer sleeping at night? Did your usually quiet sister suddenly become the most active person on the family WhatsApp group? Any drastic and sudden change, whether it seems “positive” or “negative” tells you that something is going on. There are also life events which can trigger suicidal thoughts. We all talk about women experiencing postpartum depression. What about the father or siblings? What about someone who just moved, whether simply to a different house or to a different town? Losing a job or starting a new one. Any large life change can throw someone off balance and cause a crisis. Let’s move on to what to do once you are worried about someone. Contrary to popular belief, the safest thing you can do is straight out ask them if they are having thoughts of suicide. Yes, most people will answer truthfully if they know that you are asking from a sincere place. You always want to preface it with WHY you are asking. For example “I noticed that you haven’t been joining us on our weekly walk anymore. Sometimes when people retreat into themselves, it shows that there is something going on. Is everything okay? Have you been thinking of killing yourself?” Again, you want to clearly say the word “suicide” or “kill yourself.” Hurting yourself can mean self harm or suicide and we want to be sure that we are all on the same page. Same thing with saying “have you been having hard thoughts” or something similar. DO NOT ASK IN A JUDGEMENTAL OR CONDESCENDING WAY. It’s important to ask in a calm and open way. Saying “you’re not having thoughts of suicide, are you?” will not get you an honest response. If the person says no, you can still follow up with questions about what’s been going on that has caused the drastic change. Be there to listen and respond with compassion. And if time passes and you are still worried, you can always check in again. Either way, this person now knows that you are a safe person to speak with. If they say yes, they are having thoughts of suicide. Stay calm. Thank them for sharing. Acknowledge how hard it must have been to be so vulnerable and honest. You want to ask them more about what’s been going on that […]