Dear Matzav Inbox,
I thought I had seen it all, but this past Shabbos opened my eyes to an epidemic that is quietly taking root in our communities. I was a guest at a Bar Mitzvah, and what I witnessed at the Kiddush after davening—though for some, it began during the leining—was beyond shocking.
The spread was extravagant and excessive: lavish meat boards, two types of cholent, three types of kugel, and more varieties of herring than I could count. And then there was the Schnapps—a veritable sea of expensive bottles, freely passed around and sampled by men of all ages.
The aftermath was appalling. Many men needed support just to make it home. I can only imagine the feelings of their spouses, who had likely spent hours preparing a beautiful seudah, only to see their husbands arrive inebriated and uninterested in eating. But that’s not where it ended.
The true low point came as the short Shabbos afternoon slipped away, and most of these men—too impaired to focus, let alone daven—missed Tefillas Mincha entirely. And hovering in the background of this scene was another troubling image: young boys and teenagers, watching their fathers, internalizing the message that “this is what men do.” How many of them went home thinking, Someday, that will be me.
Rabbosai, enough is enough. It is time to confront this issue head-on. A men’s Kiddush should reflect the dignity and sanctity of Shabbos, not descend into a free-for-all of indulgence. Let it look more like the ladies’ side of the mechitza—simple salads, fruit plates, and cakes should suffice. Anything more than that can wait until you’re sitting at your family table.
We owe it to our children, our spouses, and to ourselves to set a higher standard.
Sincerely,
A.E.
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