Dear Editor,
Boruch Hashem, the population of Orthodox Jewry is growing rapidly. A quick demographic look at Jewish schools shows that the first-grade class is much larger than the eighth-grade class. Many schools have only one or two eighth-grade classes, but have three or four first-grade classes. Similarly, the ninth-grade classes are larger than the twelfth-grade classes.
In the non-Chassidic community, the girls start shidduchim at around 19 and boys at 22. The annual population growth of the Orthodox Jewish community results in a simple fact: There are many more 19-year-olds than 22-year-olds. It is the equivalent of matching twelfth-graders with ninth-graders. There are not enough 22-year-old pants for the 19-year-old skirts.
So some respond, “What’s the big deal? This years’ surplus of girls will wait until next year.” Again, however, next year, the incoming group of 19-year-olds is much larger than the incoming group of 22-year-olds. The result is that close to 200 girls each year have no chance of getting married with the current dating structure – not at age 19 and not at age 35. These girls in all likelihood will – rachmana litzlan – never get married and never have a family. They are agunos in the truest sense of the word. The plight of an agunah is an absolute tragedy.
The inequity of numbers (more 19-year-old girls than 22-year-old boys) exists across the spectrum of Orthodox Jewry, from Modern Orthodox to ultra-Orthodox, with the exception of the Chassidim, who face no shidduch crisis. In fact, in the Chassidic community, the girls are at a high demand. The reason why the Chassidim have no problem is simple: Even though their population grows very rapidly, the boys start shidduchim at age 19, the same age as the girls.
This inequity of the numbers is so significant and critical that anything done to address this specific dynamic achieves progress towards easing the crisis. Attempts to address the crisis without acknowledging the underlying cause are nothing but a waste of time, energy, and resources. We could hire 100 more shadchanim, pay them full-time salaries, give all the girls a ten-million dollar dowry, and we still would not make a dent in the shidduch crisis, because the number of boys aged 22 who are dating are far outnumbered by the number of girls aged 19 who are dating.
Similarly, claims that boys want money, that there are more good girls than good boys, etc., do not address the true reason for why so many girls are left unmarried.
If those would be the true reasons for why some girls are not finding husbands, then there should still be as many single boys as girls. If all of the boys are getting married, there obviously are girls who agree to marry the “not such good boys.” Money is not the cause of the crisis, for if it is, there should be a lot of single boys holding out for money, but there aren’t.
Waiting for a Yeshuah