Dear Matzav Inbox,
I took a week to gather my thoughts after the recent mesivta farher/application debacle. I needed time to calm down and clear my mind before writing this letter. I am deeply troubled by what’s happening in some communities, and I feel compelled to speak out.
And I write this letter as a longtime mechanech myself.
Let me just say it: Any rosh mesivta, any rebbi, any menahel, anyone who operates a mesivta with the sole focus of taking in only “top boys” should be ashamed of himself. Is this what Hashem wants? Is this the standard we should be setting for our boys?
Hashem, in His infinite wisdom, entrusted us with the sacred responsibility to raise our children, to raise our sons, to become bnei Torah. Our job is to help them become yirei Shomayim, to serve Him with sincerity, to learn Torah with passion, and to be good, ehrliche Yidden. This is what we are supposed to be fostering in them.
But when did Hashem say that our sole purpose as mechanchim is to work only with the “top boys”? When did Hashem tell us that we are to only teach the ones with the greatest kishron? When did Hashem tell us that if a boy doesn’t show immediate illuyishkeit, then he is somehow unworthy of the same attention?
Who invented this demented elitist system that shmeks from gaavah, from kefirah, and from middos ra’os?
There’s been a disturbing trend where the focus has shifted away from what truly matters – the development of bnei and bnos Torah – and toward a narrow, gaavadike concept of what hatzlacha looks like. And that hatzlacha is often measured by kishron and other such metrics that have nothing to do with genuine Yiddishkeit and avodas Hashem.
When did we decide that our children should be seen as commodities to be picked and chosen like free agents?
When did we stop seeing every bochur as a neshamah with untapped potential, worthy of being nurtured with patience and care?
We are so quick to dismiss those who don’t fit the mold, to place them on the side and pretend like they’re not part of the yeshiva system. But let me remind you: every single boy and girl is a precious gift from Hashem. We have no right to look down on any of them. We have no right to disregard them based on how they measure up to a certain set of criteria that was never set by the Torah.
So what’s the message we’re sending? That only the brightest, the most gifted, are the ones who matter? That the others aren’t worthy of our time, our effort, or our care?
Shame on us if that’s what we think. What a shandeh.
Hashem didn’t give us this role of chinuch to only work with the top, the best, the easiest. He gave us this role to teach, to guide, to raise every boy with love and savlanus, regardless of his strengths or weaknesses. Because every boy has the potential to become a gadol baTorah, a yorei Shomayim and a ben Torah – but only if we give him the chance for aliyah.
The mesivta and bais medrash world today has become too caught up in looking for metzuyanim.
No one is perfect. We’re all works in progress, and we need to create environments that help all of our bochurim, no matter their starting point, to blossom into the shining sources of nachas they are meant to be.
I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. There are many out there who share my frustration, and we need to speak up. We need to make it clear that Hashem’s vision for chinuch is about helping every child, not just the “metzuyanim.”
If we continue down this path, we are doing a disservice to our boys, to our kehillos, and to the future of Klal Yisroel.
And we are also a disappointment in the eyes of Hashem.
Sincerely,
A Mechanech
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