Dear Matzav Inbox,
As a recent retiree who has joined the masses and relocated to Lakewood, I have encountered many situations that amaze me. However, what I recently experienced, although not unique to this community, compels me to speak out. I am not one who usually raises issues in protest, nor do I desire to be a mekatreg before the Yomim Noraim—I have never written before. But please, help me understand!
Recently, I had the occasion to participate in a Shabbos kiddush for a simcha. It was a warm summer day, and we walked approximately 45 minutes in each direction to join in the celebration. I am a senior in my seventies, and I arrived after the kiddush had already begun. To my astonishment, not a single young member of the family, nor any of the next generation of children, who were gathered around the table immersed in their kugel and cholent, offered me a seat, asked if I needed a drink, or invited me to make kiddush. I eventually found a seat and helped myself to cups of water. (They were aware of the distance I had walked.)
My shock at the total lack of derech eretz and basic mentchlichkeit shook me to my core! The yeshivos dismiss this as the parents’ responsibility, while the parents have long abdicated their role to the chadarim and yeshivos. The bottom line is that we have raised generations of children who live in their own selfish worlds, without any concern for basic derech eretz. Last I checked, the Chazal of Derech Eretz Kodmoh L’Torah still holds true in Maseches Avos.
Please refer to the Gemara in Kiddushin regarding the obligation of Mipnei Seivah Tokum and Rashi’s strong words for one who ignores or fails to notice a senior.
Another recent incident: I daven and learn in a shul that is quite comfortable and not overly crowded. The seats are plush, the beis midrash is well-lit, and there is an ample supply of seforim. Recently, during davening, a teenager who was apparently dissatisfied with a regular padded seat decided to switch to a more comfortable chair. Fine. However, after switching chairs, he left his original seat smack in the middle of the aisle, leaving the task of clearing the way to someone else. Perhaps he was one of the children from the kiddush who had grown up quickly!
As I mentioned earlier, this situation is not unique to Lakewood. Years ago, in a different community, I attended my shul’s kiddush downstairs. A group of young boys sat around a table, enjoying themselves. There was an empty seat, which I moved to take, only to be told in strong terms that it was reserved. I replied that it was indeed reserved—for me—and proceeded to sit. The incredulous looks on their faces seemed to say, “This fellow must have recently landed from Mars!” Or, better yet, “The nerve of this man!”
Sign me,
A YID WHO YEARNS TO UNDERSTAND
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