Dear Hanhala,
You can take away our UGGs and sneakers, change the logo, or even rename the school—but the essence of this place remains. When you focus only on the external, you’re repeating the same mistakes so many other schools have made. You’re trying to mold us all into a picture-perfect Bais Yisroel, but it’s suffocating. When will you stop obsessing over how we look and start paying attention to what we’re going through inside? Because the truth is, we’re all struggling—whether you see it or not.
You’ve created rigid rules around phones and technology. The minute someone is caught breaking them, she’s punished—sometimes even expelled. “She broke a rule, she gets a consequence,” right? But what if you paused and asked why she broke that rule? What if you tried seeing it from her perspective? Our lives aren’t confined to the walls of your school. We live in a world saturated with technology—our siblings, cousins, friends, and neighbors all have it. It’s in our homes, yet you expect us to function without even a flip phone? Let’s be honest: many of your students have iPhones, smartwatches, and access to things that would devastate you—things that would break your heart—and you’re worried about sneakers? Please, get your priorities straight.
Why is it that being honest about our struggles automatically brands us as “off the derech” or “at-risk”? Struggles don’t always come in the form of tznius. Even the girl you proudly call your valedictorian, the one you think has it all together—she’s hurting too. But you’re so focused on maintaining an image that you’re ignoring our neshamos. We want to be good. We want connection. But we need space to be honest with you—without the fear that honesty will get us thrown out for not fitting into your narrow definition of what a “good girl” looks like.
You can’t keep saying, “This never would’ve flown in my generation,” because we didn’t grow up in your generation. We were born into a different world—one filled with challenges and influences you might not understand, but that are very real to us. Before you judge, ask: “How is she feeling? Why is she acting this way?” If a girl wears crew socks under her skirt, is she suddenly a bad person? If that’s what you believe, what hope is left for any of us?
Help us understand. Explain with compassion why certain things are considered wrong. Show us how to navigate this world with strength. Don’t just ban things or pretend they don’t exist. Technology, challenges, and pain are part of our reality, whether you acknowledge them or not. And if we don’t start being honest—if we don’t create a safe space for truth—I fear for what the future will look like. The world feels scary, and many of us are carrying so much inside. To survive, we reach for distractions—some of them harmful. Isn’t the school system supposed to help us grow into our best selves? But how can we, if we can’t even show you our true selves?
If you opened the door to real conversations about the hard stuff, girls would start to trust you. They’d come to you with their pain. You could change lives. I know this isn’t easy to hear, but it has to be said—because too many girls are slipping through the cracks. You’re shaping the next generation: our future teachers, principals, friends, shadchanim, bosses, and mothers. If we don’t start showing the world that struggling is normal, that it’s okay to talk about it and ask for help, then we’re just pretending. We’re building on a lie.
Your system teaches us that externals matter most. In class, the girl who takes notes and raises her hand is praised as “an amazing student.” But the one sitting quietly, listening intently, searching for meaning—she’s labeled as someone who doesn’t fit in. You don’t see a neshamah yearning for more; you just see someone who isn’t meeting your expectations.
Please, see us for who we are. We’re trying. We’re hurting. And we’re begging you to care.
Sincerely,A Teenager
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